Something More Personal

I just wrote half of a paragraph complaining about how someone annoyed me. I couldn't finish the story, though. Even though the annoying event occurred about fifteen minutes ago, I just couldn't be mad at my friend anymore.


What is unconditional love? Loving someone no matter what happens, right? Does this kind of relationship actually exist? Is it rational?

Shouldn't there always be something that is enough to cross a line? Do you have to be vulnerable and allow people to walk all over you in order to have an unconditional love? Think of the person you love most in your life. Is there anything that person could do that would make you stop loving them? Most of you will say yes, that there are some things that just can not be forgiven, but once you love someone, is it possible to ever stop loving him/her?

These are tough questions, that may not have answers, or at least have answers that vary greatly among individuals.

I think unconditional love does exist. It sometimes may not be healthy, though. How could you subject yourself to an unpleasant situation and accept it while it keeps hurting you? If you remove yourself from the situation, unconditional love means that as soon as that person calls on you again, you will be there. Are you doing it because you miss the person that you love(d) so much or are you doing it because you feel sorry for that person?

Before I present more questions, let me try to answer those that have already been posed. I do believe that I experience the strongest form of unconditional love. If my best friend were to bust every window of my car but had a reason for it, I would forgive her. If she were to stand up at my wedding and cuss me out in front of everyone, I would forgive her. I would give my life for her without much thought, because I might not be here and would definitely not be the same person without her impact on my life. Since she has saved my life before, I would put my life in her hands. I trust her completely, which is just a part of unconditional love. I know that my friend would not do anything with the intention of hurting me. I have known her inside and out for years. "Ah, but people change," someone will say. I believe that personality sticks and is hard to change. It does change, but something drastic or traumatic must happen before it can change significantly. I suppose if I thought my friend's personality changed that it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship, but struggling through hard times together strengthens the love and loyalty in a relationship usually. It has for us.

So is unconditional love rational? Love of any type usually is not rational. I pride myself on being a rational person and feel that my justification of owing my life to my friend makes my devotion to her rational. By "owing my life" to her, I mean being loyal to her unconditionally; the always being there when he/she calls part of a relationship. It is only one piece of unconditional love. So what are all the pieces of unconditional love then? They include pieces of love applied unconditionally: caring, trust, loyalty, respect, support, sharing and confidence, attachment, and advice. Is unconditional love only for husbands and wives? What is the difference between a marriage and close friendship? Primarily, just the romance. Notice there is nothing physical in the pieces of love listed. Therefore, unconditional love can exist in a relationship between friends, not just romantic partners.

"Do you have to be vulnerable and allow people to walk all over you in order to have an unconditional love?" No, you don't. One of the pieces of love, and therefore of unconditional love, is respect. Mutual respect would not allow any abuse or taking advantage of one of the people in the relationship. If someone were being taken advantage of then the pieces of love, especially the respect and support, should make this person comfortable enough to discuss it and for the two people to resolve it.

"Once you love someone, is it ever possible to stop loving him/her?" I've already said that unconditional love is possible. The definition of it is love that does not end. So if the love is unconditional, then it is not possible for it to end. There is definitely love that is conditional, which is in most relationships. In this case, it is possible for the love to end. Eternity is not a piece of love listed above.

"Are you doing it [continuing to love someone who hurts you] because you miss the person that you love(d) so much or are you doing it because you feel sorry for that person?" If the love is unconditional, then you could be doing it for either or both of these reasons. If the relationship is conditional then no matter which reason it is, the decision is irrational.

This writing should have made you think about your opinions on the matter. Post your answers to the questions and your feedback on my responses.

More to Come

The reason I created this site is to release my anger and frustration about different things. I have no doubt had much that I could have written about in the past few months, but I have not had the time to do so. Hopefully there will be more entries soon. When a public/societal situation upsets me, there is not much that I can do except spread awareness of it and share a viewpoint that others may not see. I encourage everyone to do the same.